December 29 was a landmark day. It started awesome, with me getting my passport back from the US Embassy with an extension of my visitor visa to the US. Not that I am planning to visit, but I wanted it on hand, just in case there was an opportunity.
The day turned to dust only an hour later with a panicked call from my brother crying into the phone, saying that my dad seemed to have passed away while watching TV. They were trying to resuscitate him. I waited anxiously, but since no call back was forthcoming, I booked a one-way ticket back home and just about made my flight.
On the way to the airport, my brother called and confirmed that he was dead. Still, I was unprepared to walk into my childhood home to see him laid out, ready for cremation.
The next couple of weeks were just a sort of daze – lots of crying, lots of hugs, reminiscences, and just so much pain. I had severe sleeplessness and terrible body pain. I put all that down to my grief and powered through it, for all the ceremonies and rituals.
Came back home and tried the stiff upper lip, get on with life thing. Only to buckle under an awful viral flu. Walked into the emergency ward to get some antibiotics. They took one look at me and ordered a battery of tests, and turns out I also had typhoid.
Great, it’s been a week of bed rest, twice-daily IV drips, catching up with work – cause there’s so much to catch up on after such a long break, and just trying to get my mental headspace somewhat in order.
Work, books, and streaming TV have always been a way to distract myself during tough times, but nothing works for me. I read whole chapters without absorbing anything. I saw an episode of Beef on Netflix with complete disinterest. These old ways will not work for me. I have been off social media for a month now, I’d even forgotten my blog log-in.
What has been comforting for me is some amount of journaling, a physical fitness routine (which worked for two weeks before I fell ill), and just being with the kids.
I am also making this blog post in an effort to inch back toward my old normal. Just not sure how well my old normal will continue to work for me. Is it time to rethink the way forward?
God! I just want to lie down and forget about everything!
So sorry to hear this. So hard to lose a parent, and even harder when it’s sudden like this. I hope the end was peaceful for your dad, and that you’re feeling better health-wise now.
His end was very peaceful – at home doing what he loved the most, and he possibly didn’t even realize he was passing away. It was all over in seconds. He was blessed. It’s just hard for us to accept it, as he was pretty healthy, no health scares/worries at all.
Oh, friend. I am so incredibly sorry to hear this news about your dad. What a terrible, terrible loss. I am sending so many hugs to you and your family in this difficult time, and I’m doubly sorry that on top of your grief, you’ve had to deal with physical health challenges too. I will be holding y’all in my thoughts.
Thanks so much, Jenny!