I don’t post much personal stuff on my blog, it’s never been the space for it. However for some reason, while I was banging out a regular post on my keyboard, all these voices and feelings swirled around in my head and became so loud that I just had to stop my regular post-scheduling and start writing this instead.
Sorry author interview, I”ll get to you another time, I promise!
So, I’ve mentioned off and on in my blog over the last few months that I’ve been feeling restless and out of spirits. The past year and a half has been a lot like I was running around in circles trying to catch my own tail, and not quite succeeding. It’s true that a lot of stuff – my MIL passing away, my husband’s job hassles, my son’s speech delays, my daughter being consistently bullied (yes, I haven’t blogged about some of these things before, but that’s something we were are dealing with), these were all external events that bogged me down tremendously.
There were other things as well, things that I couldn’t and still can’t put a name to – a nagging sense of unfulfillment, a feeling of time whizzing by and me running in place going nowhere, a sense of loneliness because I had neglected old and good friends (too busy juggling career + kids)…maybe it’s an early mid-life crisis 😀 , whatever it was I knew I didn’t want to passively accept the situation for what it was.
I’ve made some small baby steps towards changing this up. First up, I have started eliminating stuff that were cluttering up my life and stopping me from doing anything meaningful.
A small change but which lightened up my spirits quite a bit was deciding that if I felt strongly enough about something, I should just say it, and not worry too much about hurt feelings.
It was something simple – disposing off my MIL’s old furniture. My husband is a hoarder and so is my FIL, but I really didn’t want duplicate dining sets, sofa sets, and beds cluttering up the place. This issue has been at a standstill for the past 1.5 years, K knew I was unhappy about bringing the stuff home, I knew he was unhappy about leaving the furniture in an empty house. But we were struggling with so many other stresses that we really didn’t want an open fight on that issue.
Finally this weekend something snapped. After yet another discussion going nowhere, I made an instant decision, I went to the house, did a major clean-up, took photos of all the stuff that could be salvaged, posted ads on Quikr and Olx, and offloaded everything within the next week. At first I thought K would be mad/depressed about it, but then I saw the relief in his face. It was one job done, and we didn’t have to worry any more about good furniture rotting away in an empty house.
Cleaning up the place also left it free for future rental, and almost magically, we got a tenant within the week. Sometimes you just need to clear up space for new things to enter your life. I sound almost zen don’t I 😉 ?
I’ve been eliminating clutter from my emotional space as well – no longer willing to deal with people with double agendas and frenemy style of relationships. After all, how could I tell my daughter to keep her chin up and hold her ground when I myself wimped out of confrontation when double-speak was the order of the day?
So, with all this elimination, what’s left? Honestly I don’t know. All I do know is clearing up my emotional, mental, and physical space has given me so much satisfaction. Plus, it’s a universal law of physics that things flow into empty spaces, right? Hopefully, this time it’s all the good things.
I think it’s the weather, that time of the year when you start feeling restless. Lately, I have been feeling the same. However, like you, I have also started trying to change the status quo. In a way, it’s good, you end up becoming stronger after this. It’s a little like rehab. 😛
Clearing out the clutter, whether physical or emotional, is one of the best and most helpful things. You would think since we know that about clutter-clearing, we would all do it more often? But it is often strangely hard to get started (at least, it is for me). Anyway: I’m glad you’re taking some steps to help yourself feel better. Sending good thoughts your family’s way! (as always)
@Jenny @ Reading the End: It is very hard to get started. It’s even harder to keep going. It’s so easy to lapse back into old habits. But I am hopeful this time 🙂
Thanks for the good thoughts 🙂
I have been feeling similarly lately – like I am in some kind of funk, doing the same thing everyday without moving forward at all. I don’t have an answer yet to getting over it but I’m glad you are feeling much better. Sorry that things have been feeling so down and sometimes the best solution is to just do something.
I just wrote a post on a similar vein. Ridiculous how we are going through some very similar emotions, but different situations. I am glad you did, what you did! I feel so lonely suddenly, weighed down by clutter. There is suddenly this feeling of helplessness….as if I am losing. That I am sinking and there is no one to hold my hand and pull me out of this rut I have gotten into. I do nto have any friends here, and it feels so sick to keep trying to be awesome on a scale that i do not ever measure up to. ILiving near your parents i sawesome support, but it is so much work, keeping everyone happy…. I stay at my moms place he whole day, neglecting my home, which is taking a toll on my sanity and nerves. As my place is always a mess… I cannot not go there. I feel so compelled to keep doing what i do for no reason.
I am sorry to just cough out everything like this. I almost hit select all and delete lol.
@veens:disqus OMG. I just read your post. We seem to be in the same place, feels good to know I am not the only one. I feel two kids is hard work. I somehow never imagined it would be this hard though.
I can understand the thing about staying at mom’s place and neglecting home. It’s hard to see your own home get into a state. Try to think of it as something temporary, it will get better. I am also thinking that and carrying on. I am waiting for the magic year when Piglet turns four 😀
Ummmm… Aarya turned 4.. so yeah he is cool and all that, but then he tried to push a tiny skateboard toy into Anju’s mouth… so ummm! I am not sure… what kind of logic he follows. *sigh*
I am telling you, it is all going to get better for us, fingers crossed.
Dear motivation,
please find me, I am here waiting for you 🙂
love
veena.
@veens:disqus Oh! I meant till Anju is four 😀
I wish you luck with your physical and emotional de-cluttering! Sounds like you’ve made progress. The bullying thing can be so hard, though. We have been there. 🙁
@disqus_TYO2upw2ie:disqus do you have any suggestions on dealing with the bullying thing?
In our case, we ended up talking about it with her teacher who spoke to the other parent on our behalf. But, I think the most important thing we did was encourage our daughter everyday before going to school to not let her bully control her. To let her know that her bullying wasn’t going to change my daughter’s decisions on what to do and who to play with, etc. It took some time, but the message eventually got through. The girl who was bullying her seemed to have given her up as not an easy enough target. We were lucky that our daughter was able to show some level of assertion. I’m pretty sure our older daughter wouldn’t have been able to do that. We would have had to take a different route with her. So, I guess it depends somewhat on the type of bullying and your child’s capabilities. I hope this helps a little! Good luck with it!
@disqus_TYO2upw2ie:disqus thanks so much for sharing, Naomi. We are talking to my daughter and trying to advice her the same way. It seems to be working bit by bit. Hopefully, this year is better for her.
It is a slow process, so don’t get discouraged! I hope all goes well!
I’m sorry to hear about all of the challenges you are facing right now. I hope things get better. It sounds like you are taking some good steps toward healing and emotional health.