Sharing Some Life Lessons Learnt

I am posting this small tidbit here because I am tired of saying the same thing again and again to various people. Apologies to all my regular readers who are unexpectedly faced with a self-help sort of post!

I must also admit that I sat on this post for a long time, wondering whether I should hit Publish or not; something about it made me feel uncomfortable about posting. But then I decided, what the hell; publish and be damned (any guesses where I got this last phrase from? :))

Throughout my not-so-long and not-so-illustrious career, I have encountered the challenges and rewards of working with a few individuals who are generally considered “difficult” to deal with.

Sometimes, I get asked, “How come you didn’t lose your cool?” or “How did you manage with so and so for all these years?” and I never really had a clear-cut answer to give them.

I thought about it for some time, and here is a list of things that I did that I think helped me handle messy situations:

• Didn’t take things personally. Difficult people often struggle to cope with their emotions and manage challenging situations. At first, I used to get angry. But then I realized that a lot of times, it was just a fear of loss of control that they were struggling to deal with.
• Picked my battles carefully. Before I reacted to a nasty or negative comment, I would ask myself whether this issue was really worth the unpleasantness. Most often, it was not.
• Looked for something good in the other person. Yes, someone can be nasty, bossy, and inconsiderate, but they can also be smart and willing to share information. I tried to focus on their good points to ensure that I was less negatively biased against them.
• Listened to the message, and not the way it was delivered. I would often find that if someone was speaking pleasantly, I would go out of my way to accommodate his/her requests. However, when a difficult person demanded something from me in a very aggressive way, I would stiffen up and just not feel like accommodating. I guess that’s natural, and everyone is like that to a certain extent. However, I deliberately changed this attitude of mine and tried to ignore the way something was communicated to me and focus on what was actually said. This way, I avoided receiving negative feedback that negatively impacted my work.
• Semi-detached myself. If nothing worked and I had brought down a storm of rage upon my head, I would tell myself that no one has the power to take away my smile. When a difficult person was in a mood, the best thing for me to do was semi-detach myself so that I don’t get sucked into their negativity. At times, though, it was really hard for me to do.
• Worked extra hard. This was a no-brainer. I used to work doubly hard just so that I would not get put on the defensive early on.

So, you see it’s not too difficult after all 😊

And I must add that I learnt so many extremely valuable skills that benefit me even now – dealing tactfully with people, taking initiative, quality consciousness, and a desire to understand where the other person is coming from…

I can only say that in some ways, I am very thankful to these so-called “difficult” people whom I have met 😊

Happy Diwali to you all!