Whether you are married or not, there will come a time in your relationship when it feels like you have nothing in common anymore. It will seem like you’re in a major rut, and restlessness will set in. How you handle the situation will dictate whether your relationship moves on to the next stage or the rot sets in. Read on for some tips to get you over that seven-year-itch bump in the road.
Is the 7-Year-Itch Real?
Relationship counselors are divided about whether the seven-year-itch is real. However, there is evidence to suggest that relationship satisfaction does decline after a couple has been together for a while, so it is safe to say that after seven years, one or both of you are likely to feel dissatisfied with your lot in life, and by extension, your partner. Of course, problems may well set in before seven years!
Just because you feel dissatisfied with your relationship, it doesn’t mean that you need to throw in the towel. Unless there are serious issues, such as abusive or coercive behavior, alcoholism or drug misuse, and similar, the seven-year-itch is surmountable if you have fallen out of love with your partner and in love with someone else.
Is it You or the Relationship?
Problems in a relationship are often a reflection of us and our lives. The relationship we have with our partner acts as a mirror. If we are unhappy with life in general, we tend to look at our relationship with the same jaded eye. We blame our partners for things that are not necessarily their fault. For example, if your career has stalled, you might harbor resentment that your partner didn’t encourage you to take that other job you wanted, even when the final decision was yours and yours alone.
Not fair, perhaps, but true.
If you are unhappy with your relationship, do some soul searching. Is the problem your relationship, or is it you? With some introspection, you may realize that the restlessness and irritability you’re feeling are rooted in your issues, not the relationship. Once you accept that, you can stop blaming your partner for your problems and start asking them for advice and support.
Remember Why You Fell in Love
Think back to those heady days when you fell in love with your partner. You cannot sustain the euphoria of romantic love for long, but it helps to remember that giddy sense of excitement when we fall in love.
Why did you fall in love? What was it about that person that made you want to be with them? The humdrum existence of everyday life, kids, and domesticity is often enough to dampen the love and passion we feel for our other half.
It is impossible to sustain the heady roller coaster of passion and excitement experienced when we fall in love. Still, in a healthy relationship, this phase slowly morphs into a more settled phase. This is normal. Just because your partner doesn’t make your heart leap in quite the same way, it doesn’t mean your relationship is over!
The Dangers of Chasing Stars
Chasing the euphoria of romance and passion is not conducive to long-term relationship satisfaction. Lots of people are addicted to the chemical high of falling in love. When the excitement fades and settles down into a long-term companionship, they ditch their partner and move on to the next person, often repeating this pattern time and time.
Be careful that you are not falling into this trap. It is all too easy to mistake the low-key mundanity of long-term companionship and committed love with boredom. All couples have periods where they irritate each other, and that’s normal. If you still love your partner, feel affection for them, and that person is your best friend, you have a solid relationship. Yes, you might be feeling restless, but ditching your partner for a new love isn’t the answer. You will end up in the same place in approximately seven years—cue lots of pain and angst.
Add a Spark to Your Relationship
Look at ways to rekindle the sparkle in your relationship. Are you both prioritizing your careers instead of your relationship? If so, start spending more leisure time together. Take up hobbies you can both enjoy. Learn new skills, such as dancing. Having fun together will bring you closer together. Couples that laugh together stay together.
The bedroom is another area of contention in a long-term relationship. In the early days of a relationship, sex is often a priority. Sex releases oxytocin, the chemical that helps us bond. The more sex we have, the more we fall in love. However, in time, the strong desire to have sex fades as life, and other priorities take over. Consequently, couples often complain that sex isn’t so much fun after a few years. Pheromones for women can help increase your spouse’s attraction to you, so that could be a fun experiment to try. Another way, would be to experiment more. If you are feeling shy, or don’t know what to try out, check out some porn. You can watch it live here.
There are many ways to rekindle the passion in your bedroom, but what you must do is talk about any issues you are having. Communication is important. If you are not happy with your sex life, sit down with your partner and discuss ways to make it more exciting. If “size” is an issue perhaps you can try something like this bathmate hydro 9 to resolve it. If soreness is an issue then perhaps you want to talk a little more about foreplay and getting in the mood to prevent it.
Doing things such as role-playing games or looking at sex toys online could help in this regard. Just because you are in a long-term relationship, it doesn’t mean that sex has to be formulaic and by the numbers. For example, an irontech doll can bring humor and fun into your sex life. With a bit of effort, your sex life can be just as exciting as it was in the early days!
Be Realistic
Movies and books would have us believe that a good relationship is perfect, and unfortunately, life is not a Hollywood rom-com. Relationships are hard work, and you have to put some serious effort into making them work in the long term. That means keeping the lines of communication open and being realistic enough to know that no relationship is perfect – not even if you are a world-renowned human rights lawyer, are married to George Clooney, and have a set of adorable twins.
